The wrestle is real

“Wrestling is a close contact sport, so if your wrestling with your faith or with God, consider that a good thing - to be wrestling rather than running from Him.” -Holly Fohr 

Honestly I haven't been able to shake the though that it's better for me to wrestle and deal with things in this world as they happen, with Jesus - than to just run away from the pain, heart ache and things I can't control.

As long as I can remember I've been a runner (not athletically, though I wish) but in life. There are countless times I've found myself in a difficult circumstance and instead of staying and journeying through the reality- I'd just run the other direction. Go somewhere new and start over. 

And to be quite honest in the last probably 4 years I think I've just gotten so tired of running I've had to just stay thru the mess of life. 

This year has been probably the toughest and most raw year for me already...and it's only March....how is this even possible...to feel so exhausted emotionally and feel this mighty weight upon my shoulders.

I'm sure I'm not the only one in this boat of rough seas and tough circumstances. And to be very real I wouldn't say that I've navigated these seas very well. BUT (this is a positive 'but') I've realized I have been holding my community, my family and my goals/dreams/desires like glass objects. Fragilely setting them down and tip toeing around my life as to not break anything and keep it all safe.

But you know what?! That's no way to live life. I can't play God. I can't fix brokenness in this world. I can't orchestrate the stars, the moon, the galaxies, the oceans, or conduct the world in order. And I really don't want to be the one in control on that level anyways.

So I find myself daily, almost every minute these days in persistent pursuit of surrender and redemption for my humanity. To authentically pursue my God who is above every reality I will face and trust Him timing and purposes for my life.

I will say there have been times recently I've found myself sitting down and lacing up my running shoes ready to run again, but I always seem to take them off as I remember the sovereignty of my Savior and the promises He still hasn't fulfilled in my life. He's worth trusting and that's all I need to be able to remove my shoes.

I may not be where I want to be, but I'm not where I was and that is progress.

Isaiah 41:10

"Don’t panic. I’m with you.
    There’s no need to fear for I’m your God.
I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you.
    I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you."

I hope you find some encouragement in this post whatever your season or reality. And if you want or need prayer for your season of life just comment below and I'll support you in that.

You are not alone.